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The Red Cross declines your mattress.
You sat around waiting for a call
from the mistress to spare the rod.
You offer to give someone the skin off your butt
and they don't want it.
You have the local mistress on speed dial.
You come back from the dungeon with more than you took.
You keep a tube of ben gay on the kitchen table.
Your mistress has you on her Christmas list.
You've been kicked out of the zoo for yelling at the
baboons (there butts are redder than yours).
You think a subdivision is the opposite of mistress multiplication.
You've bathed with lava soap.
You've been involved in a custody fight over your penis
Your mistress take a siphon hose to your backside.
You took a cane pole to fish.
You go to the stock car race without a car.
You know how many bars of soap your mouth will hold.
You have a ball gag for a gas cap.
Your mistress executes the "kiss my boots" trick
during Christmas dinner.
Your curtains don't have frills but your girdle
does.
You wonder how mistresses keep their restrooms
so clean.
You can spit without closing your mouth.
You consider your license plate personalized because
a prisoner made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own nothing.
You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping Santa really knows you were
bad.
You have a complete set of aprons and they all
say sissy on the side.
The biggest planet you've ever been to is Uranus.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. (enough said)
You thought the Unibomber was a buttplug.
You've used your ironing board as an ironing board.
You think a quarter horse is rather cheap for pony training.
Your neighbors think you're a bag of groceries because a woman always brings
you out of her trunk.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and you run outside with a box of pins
hoping to get lucky.
You've used a toilet brush as a toilet brush.
You've asked the preacher "when's it hangin'?"
You relive 5th grade detention because you're still misbehavin'
You think fast food is nothing more than a humiliating trip to the drive
thru window.
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