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S & M Dangers and Precautions

This is where we keep information on techniques and dangers of more S&M related activities.  You may not agree with the way I broke things up, but let me do it my way.

Check the Etiquette section for safety tips on meeting new partners and information for beginners.

Check the D/s Techniques section for more ways to play and more D/s oriented information. 

Copyright Myths Explained (Please read this if you plan on using articles from various web sites on the internet.  ESPECIALLY if you plan on borrowing from my website.)

Blood Play Bondage Caning Electricity Fireplay Flogging and Whips
Gags General Facts Health Concerns Hot Wax and Other Temperature Play Interesting Articles Legal Issues
Negotiation Forms Other Dangers Pressure Play Spanking and Corporal Punishment STDs Tickling
Toys Water Sports        
Knots on the Web Jack Rinella's Bondage Primer Predicament Bondage with Domina Skye Bondage University Two Knotty Boys The Ten Commandments of Steel Bondage
Bondage 101 Kikkou.com Bondage
Suspended Bondage Lorelei's Bedroom Bondage Shibari Dr. Bondage's Web Page Mummification Lady Cocoa's Bondage Guide
Roper's Knot Site Japanese Bondage Hojojutsu
How to Tie Up a Japanese Girl Two Knotty Boys on YouTube Bondage for Beginners Tutorial by MorTis
How to Tie Bondage Knots
List of Bondage Tutorials
Eastern Rope Sensory Deprivation Tips
A Beginner's Guide to Bondage Mutually Consensual Bondage Bound Anna Esinem Safety Breast Bondage Bondage Tape
Twisted Monk Types of Rope Bondage Safety Suspension Bondage
Why is Bondage Fun? Light Bondage 
How to Use a Hood Bondage During Sex Suspension Bondage-Inverted Knot Tutorials
Why Can't I Tickle Myself? What Causes Tickling? TeroRizer's Romantic Tickling Resource Physiology of Tickling Tickle Games Tickle Fetish Games and Erotic Tickling
History of Feet Tickling Fancy a Tickle My Feelings on Tickling Tickling Community Tickling:  Wonderquest  

If you have any articles that you want to see added to this page, if you want to write an article on a practice that you know a lot about, or if you have questions, send us mail. We plan on adding to this section, but it will take time. And we want to give you the articles you need and want.

Site Index



Dominas and Dungeons

D/s Techniques


Watch for us at more events in 2011!



Groups in Your Area


How To Make Toys


Physical S&M

Resources and Links




Some Facts About S/M
S/M is not an aberration. S/M is a sexual orientation that is found in a percentage of the population. Surveys have listed S/M behavior by as much as 7 to 14 % of the population, with interests at up to 50% of the population. To see the prevalence, just look at the public's interest in movies, books, and other artistic expressions with S/M as the dominant theme. After all, Hollywood would not invest money if there was not a large interest. Historically, S/M behavior was listed as a psychological problem, as was masturbation and homosexuality. Today, however, these various orientations are not considered a problem unless the person with the lovemap is unhappy about their interests.
S/M is not new. S/M activities have been performed by many religions and cultures. Early Christian mystics used it (flails and hair shirts, oh my.) Native Americans continue to use it for vision quests. Fakirs from India use it. That same energy can be used for spiritual journeys, sexual ecstasy, or personal bliss.
S/M is not fetishism. Fetishism substitutes an object for relationship. S/M can very much involve relationship. In fact, because of the requirements for trust and good communication, to even participate in S/M with another calls for the development of good relationship skills.
S/M is erotic psychodrama. The exchange of power in S/M is a framework for risk taking and for trusting. The shared reality created by S/M gives the participants the permission to explore their erotic fantasies. S/M has often been referred to as high-tech sex. The experience is incomparable.
S/M does not feel like what it looks like. In the model of the popular press, the dominant or sadist does as he/she wishes, without regard to the needs of the submissive or masochist. In practice, it is the submissive or masochist that has the final say. APEX teaches the needs for good communications up front, the use of "safe" words that will stop the action if the submissive ever feels the event is not working, and a time of communications after the event so that both parties can learn and so that the next time will be even better.
S/M is not especially dangerous. Some S/M activities are more athletic than others. For more strenuous activities the individuals should be in good physical shape, just as for any other sport. For most S/M activities the players must know what they are doing. The shared education and experience of other players can be invaluable.
S/M is not sexist. Sexism tries to impose dominant-submissive roles according to gender. In S/M roles are chosen according to our inner feelings. S/M is honest, shared eroticism which includes men and women who prefer either or both roles.
Sometimes S/M is done in a brief scene with a stranger. Sometimes it is a full time relationship. Usually S/M is done in negotiated episodes (or scenes) between people who know and like one another.

S/M is not repressed anger or covert hatred. Actually it is impossible to do good S/M with someone you do not like.

S/M takes a lot of energy, preparation, time, and attention. Most practitioners do a lot more of "vanilla" (i.e. non S/M) sex than they do S/M.
S/M is as much an attitude as it is action. When traveling, the dominant may wish to drive the car in order to be in control and express their power; or the submissive may wish to drive the car as an expression of taking care of their dominant. Who's in charge is far from obvious. It is a dance involving both parties.
S/M people come from all walks of life. Some come from abusive backgrounds and practicing S/M can be part of their healing. Some come from healthy families and are looking for self fulfillment. Some identify as "lifers', having S/M fantasies from their earliest memories. Still others are new to the concept and felt a connection when they tried it. S/M people come from all genders and orientations. As a result, S/M groups have been on the forefront of establishing common ground between heterosexuals, gays, and lesbians.
S/M people are everywhere. There are national organizations, such as the National Leather Association. There are local chapters of the NLA in many states. There are many independent local organizations supporting people in the S/M life-style. These local organizations have different charters and purposes. APEX is one such local organization whose charter includes individuals of all genders, gender orientations, and all associated fetishes. Every year some of these organizations put on local and national conferences and conventions. Some of these conventions may have only a hundred or so attendees. Others have thousands. Like any convention, there are meetings discussing a variety of topics, as well as a vendors' exhibit area with the S/M life-style equipment and literature of the available for purchase. To attend one of these conventions is to truly know that we are not alone.
This page will explain some general concepts and techniques that will help you to apply technical skills properly. It is important to understand these basics before progressing to the following sections.


The Pain Threshold and Endorphins
or, "No Pain, No Gain"
The pain threshold is the level of pain which the bottom can no longer voluntarily endure. This is the point at which your bottom will safe out. Learning where that point lies for your bottom is very important if you wish to maximize the experience for both partners. This is because once that point is identified, it can be manipulated .
Endorphins are neurotransmitters (chemicals which are directly involved in the brain's electrochemical workings). They are also natural painkillers. High endorphin levels cause a feeling of euphoria. Of course, SM is not the only way to achieve this state. Long-distance runners refer to it as "runner's high."
The sensitive, careful and methodical application of pain can move the pain threshold higher, enabling the bottom to tolerate higher levels of pain, thereby receiving the benefits of higher endorphin levels. To the bottom, the pain will not seem to increase, even though the physical trauma upon the body does. This is because as endorphin levels rise, the pain becomes deadened.
Safety Note: The fact that the pain is deadened must never make you lose sight of the physical trauma you are causing. Don't abuse your responsibility for your bottom's safety just because the euphoria of a endorphin rush makes your bottom a little giddy.
In order to stimulate the release of endorphins, the top should gradually increase the pain level until it nears the pain threshold. After reaching the threshold, lower the intensity and allow the endorphins which the pain released to work their magic, nullifying the pain. When the top once again begins to increase the pain, the endorphins which the previous cycle released allow the bottom to tolerate a higher level of pain. The now higher level of pain releases even more endorphins, and the cycle begins again .
Patience is a virtue here. There are several difficulties you may run into. They can discourage you, but don't let them! Keep them in mind, watch for them, and when they occur, alter your technique until you find that unique formula that works for you and your bottom. Sometimes subtle changes in technique can produce dramatic results.


Sometimes the pain threshold will hit a plateau, refusing to rise further. If this happens, a complete break in activity for a few moments, a few minutes or longer might be in order. Every bottom has a certain point beyond which even the best technique cannot take them. This point can vary from day to day. Just because the bottom hit a new high yesterday doesn't mean he or she will hit it again today. If you try every technique you can think of to get beyond the plateau, but to no avail, it's just not the right day. Accept what comes.
Another common problem is hypersensitivity, which causes the pain threshold to drop dramatically. Those of you who have had large tattoos done know how it works. Believe me, it's no fun. You are playing, having a great time - the bottom is on a major endorphin high and you're loving it. Suddenly the bottom safes out. You take a break and then get back into it, but after the break even love taps are too painful. What went wrong?
Hypersensitivity seems to happen most often when you have been pushing too far, too fast. Playing right around the threshold is physically and mentally stressful, and too much of it will wear the bottom out. Make sure when you bring him or her back down, you leave plenty of time for rest.
Endorphin highs are a great reward, but they take hard work. If you are not successful after a few attempts, don't give up. Even an experienced player takes time to learn a new bottom, and as a novice you have to learn the bottom while learning the technique. Just work slowly, stay determined, and look for small signs of success. These small successes will tell you what works for the bottom. Eventually, with patience, you will get it.